you fucks are lucky this dude covers shit but if you appreciated him you wouldn’t be phila so fuck chris the brit : An editorial

Editor’s note: I made the questionable decision to allow my friend and Phindie advisor John Rosenberg free rein to post an article from his Los Angeles hovel. Thanks to him, I think.—cpm

cpm-photo

someone should go through that stack of whatever is next to ctb

Today is Chris the Brit’s 40th birthday. Hoooooooooooooooooooooray!

Pray, let us bray about him for a Shakespearean way of saying a minute.

I thought CTB’s birthday was cinco de mayo because I ran into him brown-bagging don julio with a lady on his birthday. but it is today.

We ran into each other all the time when we lived in center city. We both seemed to be going to the same place, which was absolutely fucking nowhere. we drank or walked but always talked about hitler and theater.

CTB has poems and sonnets memorized and recites them walking down side streets. It is great to have a friend who has poems and sonnets committed to memory and recites them while walking down side streets.

My ladyfriend and bestfriend-in-law don’t like ctb because he hates the IRA and makes fun of the Irish. They think his english accent is fake as fuck. CTB has a sibling who does not have an accent but she does.

CTB has an endearing way of saying, ‘oh dear.’ He says it quiet and dignified, gallantry seeped with regret & self-loathing. a horrendous fate a beat away.

try it!

In a previous life CTB loved a sex worker murdered by jack the ripper.

Chris collects wounded animals- unstable cats and stray people. At his house one of his fleabags had a wound upon its cat face. ‘Twas more than a scratch.

CTB held the cat down and tried to pour rubbing alcohol on the wound. The cat flipped the fuck out and viciously attacked him.

i think the cat attack is an allegory for ctb covering theater in philly if that is what an allegory means.

Chris the brit loves theater. Loves it. Definitely more than me. Probably more than you. He doesn’t like tv or movies. He likes plays. He likes to go see plays and write about what he saw.

It is a fantastic enterprise- covering the independent philly theater scene independently.

Thoughtful criticism seems really fucking hard. I can go see a thing and babble about it afterwards but fuck what i have to say every time. ‘That shit was whatever as fuck. Jennifer Summerfield is better than that shit. Why the fuck dont people write parts written specifically for her?!?!?!?!?!’

It hoorays me good reviewers can see something once, pick up on a lot of stuff and then put those thoughts and feelings into coherent words, sentences and articles. Capturing ethereal shit that flies by. It seems incredibly not easy. I violently shake a crying baby when i write a press release and i have seen the dumb shit 50 times.

I do feel christopher pulls punches in his reviews. I don’t think he will ever see a play and not have something positive to say about it. Mostly if it is pinche Shakespeare. CTB is unfailingly polite and is a gentle man. Unless it is improv, which he violently hates.

He told me a quote by the crazy english lady playwright who killed herself that was like you go and sit in a black box and hope that you remember something from the thing and that is hella great. [Sarah Kane quote—ed] Maybe it has something to do with that. Or maybe he is cheap and just likes to get free tickets to things.

CTB did tell me he is sick of tv scripts masquerading as plays. So no more, please!

Philadelphia! Keep making great independent theater! You are the best!

You have a super fan in ctb and phindie.com.

Happy birthday, Christopher!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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About the author

John Rosenberg

John Rosenberg founded Hella Fresh Theater in 2009.